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Been snubbed? This is how you handle a snubbing.

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Have you ever been snubbed by someone?

Maybe you have experienced a ‘blatant’ snubbing, like walking up to someone at a party and that person turns their back to you to talk to another person.

Or maybe it was a little more covert, like someone not answering your phone calls or returning your text messages. Either way, it can feel painful to be snubbed.

As humans, we are naturally social creatures: we cultivate circles of friends, we connect with life partners and we create families. Like many other animal species, we are essentially ‘pack’ animals. We look to each other for love, support and connection. We can’t help it, we’re biologically programmed that way.

So it can hurt to feel that you have been ostracised by a person or your ‘wolf pack’. It goes against our nature to feel connected to others.

I was snubbed by someone at an event recently. It was a pretty blatant snubbing, so I’m fairly sure that the ‘snubber’ wanted me to feel uncomfortable and to know I was being snubbed.

I’m not really sure why. I don’t believe we had any ‘issues’ between us, yet snubbed I was.

One of the blessings in life is that we get to decide how we react to any situation that arises: we have options and choices.

And so it is if we are snubbed. We may not get to control if someone is rude to us, but we DO get to choose how we want to respond. It’s one of the joys of being human, we have freewill.

How did I respond to being snubbed? I gave her a big smile and said hello. And at the end of the event when the snubber walked past me, I gave her another big, friendly smile and said goodbye.

You may question whether I did this to be a smart-ass, but actually that was not the reason. I chose to respond with kindness. You see, I feel compassion for her. There must be some unpleasant thoughts going on in her mind to be openly rude to another person. Her head must be a sad place to live with all that yucky stuff flying around. It is our thoughts that create our feeling and actions.

I could have reacted differently – I could have done a big ‘fuck you’ and been rude back to her. But really, what would that achieve?

So I put this to you…next time someone is rude to you, or snubs you, or is nasty to you, just remember this…there must be some pretty negative thoughts going on in that person’s head. Imagine how bad it would feel having all those horrible thoughts flying around your head. That doesn’t make it ok – it just means that YOU don’t need to take that on yourself.

Don’t subject yourself to that. Instead, hold your high and just be kind and compassionate. Your head will remain a lovely place to live and you will feel amazing that you didn’t succumb to those feelings and actions yourself.

Of course, there is also something else to consider: your being ‘snubbed’ had nothing to do with you at all. A wise woman once said to me that you never know what’s going on for someone else. Women in particular have a habit of taking things personally and assuming that if someone is rude to us, that we have done something wrong. Maybe the ‘snubber’ was just having a bad day, he/she was preoccupied with their own personal dramas, and did not mean to snub you at all.

With love,

Mel xx

Melissa Histon

Photographer, philanthropist, adventurer, blogger, avid permitter and social changer, Melissa Histon is a woman on a mission to make a real difference to the lives of women globally. Melissa spent 10 years working in the corporate world before leaving to establish a successful photography business. After experiencing a number of life-altering events, Melissa created The Sista Code in May 2014 with a dream to see women empowered, happy and connected. Whether it's building a house for the homeless in Nepal, interviewing inspiring women from around the globe, or creating events and campaigns to support sistas escaping domestic violence, Melissa knows that true change can only happen when we all stand together and boost each other.

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